Breakfast with Gossip Girl

Confession time: I still watch the show Gossip Girl. WHAT? I know, you thought I had better taste than that. 

Well you're wrong. Listen, I’m always down for a good procedural drama or mental thriller but I can’t quit this show. It’s been on since my early college days, I feel like I know these characters. They may be over-privileged rich kids from the Upper East Side, but we sort of grew up together. Except I’ve made better choices in the last five years. Not to sound judge-y, but on a scale of one to a failed marriage to a Monegasque prince, my life trajectory is not even on that scale.

Yet I keep watching. Will Chuck and Blair ever get together for good? Will Dan finally find his foothold among the posh Manhattan society? Will Serena ever get a real job? These are the questions that plague us faithful viewers. Fortunately it’s in its last season so the story arcs should all come together by the end of December. Coincidentally, that’s the last time anyone is allowed to make fun of me for it.

But there is one thing that has bothered me for six seasons, one thing I continually fail to understand. Each episode follows the same structure: the drama begins brewing in the morning and culminates in a big party at night. (Seriously, there is a huge party in every episode; the production value of the show must be insane.) But that doesn't faze me.  What really gets me are the brunches. Every other episode, Lily and Rufus (or Bart, depending on who she’s married to at the moment) have a family brunch. Amazing spread they put on: pancakes, waffles, muffins, eggs, fruit, scones, multiple kinds of juice and sometimes even champagne.

But they NEVER. EAT IT.

Seriously. They sit around these amazing feasts and don’t touch the food. The glower at each other, get into arguments, and plot nefarious schemes over the most beautiful croissants. There's food on their plates but in six seasons, I have never seen anyone take a bite. And it kills me every time. Look at this screen cap from a recent episode:

YES THAT IS A PLATE OF CREPES. And a waiter. In their apartment.

Bart. Lily. Stop ruining Chuck's life and eat a scone. For real, though.

Chuck I don't know why you're smirking, you invited this poor girl over for brunch and she’s not even eating anything. Probably lost her appetite from all the family drama.

Obviously, with multiple takes and whatnot, I can understand not cleaning your plate, it is a television show after all.  But not even once? Come on. Someone in craft services takes the time to make all that food.

If I were more of a tech wizard, I would film myself in front of a green screen stuffing my face with pastries and then superimpose it over that scene. 

*reaches rudely across the table* “excuse me Lily, I just…want..another scone…”

 *With mouth full*: “Have you guys even tried this brioche? You’d be so much happier in general if you just had some. Oh and Bart, faking your death made you a huge downer. I’m sorry but it needed to be said.”

I know it would be super hilarious, so you will just have to picture it.

So that's my story for the day. About a problem that's not really a problem. 

I just really love breakfast. And I hate seeing it go to waste.