Sunday, June 5, 2011

Lessons from Abroad: The Price of Public Restrooms

One little quirk about Europe is that generally, to use a public restroom, you have to pay for it.  It can be anywhere from a few cents to 2 Euros/SwissFrancs, not enough to break the bank, but enough to be a nuisance.  I can't tell you how many times I held up the line as I dug around frantically in my pockets/backpack for enough spare change to get me in to the throne room. Whether it be a dour-faced attendant in a striped apron, a coin-slotted turnstile, or simply a white china plate, your business remains unfinished until the money leaves your hands.

Now in my home city, I soon figured out which department stores and restaurants had free bathrooms. But when I was traveling, I used what I could find and it always came at a price. How I grumbled and pined for the restrooms of the motherland! Get in, get out, your wallet untouched! I have to pay to relieve myself? How preposterous!

And then I came home. 
One road trip after another, one gas station/fast food restaurant bathroom after the next and now the shoe is on the other foot.

Oh Europe. I would throw a thousand glittering coins at your feet to see the pristine chambers within your rest stops. Oh Switzerland! How I long for your motion-activated air fresheners and your self-cleaning toilet seats. A hundred sonnets I have composed about the white sparkling walls, the floor-to-ceiling stall doors, the alpine-scented handsoap! I offer you my pockets, all my riches, for the chance of one more use of your facilities. Come now, and we shall perform our ablutions with delight in the ambient lighting and softly playing elevator music of the room for "Les Femmes".


But it is not to be.  A single, salty tear rolls down my cheek as I perch uncomfortably on the metal prison pots of the Midland Community Park restroom, that are somehow always wet and always cold, even though it's 90 degrees outside. On the way to the faucet, my feet dance a complicated samba around the prostrate carcasses of dead cockroaches and pools of dear-goodness-I-hope-that's-just-muddy-water. One, two, three futile pumps at the soap dispenser, a sad wheeze of plastic the only indication that it once contained the promise of clean hands.  With a mournful sigh, I push on the "Hot" tap, hoping the temperature alone will cleanse the filth of this horrible experience. 1.7 seconds later, the water shuts off with a gurgle. Thus begins the confusing process of holding the faucet on with one hand while rushing to wet the other. 

And then the drying, or lack thereof. If it's not the weak breeze of an air dryer, it's scratchy brown paper towels that leave splinters in your hands. Finally, the escape route: an intricate strategy that involves opening the door with the paper towel and then lobbing it into the trashcan. One misplaced trashcan, one empty dispenser and the whole jig is up. I JUST WANT TO LEAVE WITHOUT TOUCHING ANYTHING. 


And so I come to you, reader, embittered but reproved. Learn from my woes: "Free" is not necessarily better, especially when it comes to the bathroom.  If you ever visit Europe, don't complain about the price of the public restroom.  Take a moment and enjoy the fact that you will be far less likely to leave with some sort of communicable disease. And for those of you sticking around the States: If you can't hold it til you get home, at least bring hand sanitizer with you.

8 comments:

  1. LOVED THIS. Your wisdom is profound.

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  2. When we were in Europe visiting Aunt Ruthie back when I was 9 and Wendy was 7...we went into one in the train station and all the stalls were open so the attendant could clean them. Wendy and I just went in and used one, and then the lady started hollering at us in German because we hadn't put coins in even though all the doors were open!! Aunt Ruthie came to our rescue and tried to explain that we didn't know any better. One of the few "vivid" memories I have of that trip (now 20 years ago!!)!

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  3. OH...and just wait until you have to try and help a 4 year old in said nasty public restrooms and get her to understand the serious gravity of NOT touching a THING....no DO NOT pick that up off the floor....no DO NOT clutch the side of the toilet....ad nauseum. Sometimes it almost feels like letting her wet her pants and dealing with that at home might be more sanitary!! :)

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  4. I agree with Mrs. Starling... I didn't realize how much my 3 year old touches EVERYTHING since potty training her!
    They do have these quite marvelous public bathrooms in Boston. You pay to use them, but I think you only have a certain amount of time to use them before it disinfects itself. This may be urban legend... but it sounds very European. Who knew?

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  5. I laughed! Can totally picture it all. I nearly lept from fright the first time I saw a toilet seat rotate and clean itself (in Germany). Then I wanted to just stand there and watch it for a long time! Such a Clever Little Toilet!
    On the other hand- you should come visit us and um take a look at our public toilets. Including the pay ones. And believe me- if you don't have to pay for it... most of the time, you want to avoid it. Paying is good!

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  6. oh Ellie! how i LOVE your posts!!!!! and how i understand completely the utter frustration of having to pay TWO WHOLE francs for the toilet but the absolute bliss of being able to touch every single surface without worrying about any sort of impending illness! ...in the early days i used to pretty much wet my pants waiting to find a free toilet...but after two years? HA! i didn't even flinch when putting that silver coin in the slot ;)

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  7. oh Ellie! how i LOVE your posts!!!!! and how i understand completely the utter frustration of having to pay TWO WHOLE francs for the toilet but the absolute bliss of being able to touch every single surface without worrying about any sort of impending illness! ...in the early days i used to pretty much wet my pants waiting to find a free toilet...but after two years? HA! i didn't even flinch when putting that silver coin in the slot ;)

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  8. i do love our public toilets :) and almost always a baby changing area !
    Audrey

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