Monday, November 1, 2010

Having Married Friends/Friends with Kids

This is yet another Mama Kat writing prompt but I'm powering through 'til I find my rhythm again.

I'm just going to go ahead and get it out of the way:
I'm single.
Not just "between relationships", but like, perpetually alone. I'm not old though, so I'm totally fine with it. But as I get older, more and more of my friends are getting into serious relationships, getting married, and popping out babies like they just announced last call for reproducing. Which I should mention to those of you in this category, if we can just take a quick sidebar: there's lots of theories about 2012, but no actual deadline for perpetuating humanity. 

And we're back. Anyway, it's a strange feeling to have friends who are married and having kids and something I'm still getting used to. Here are a few things we don't have in common:

(1) "I have to go home and dust my plants" is not as effective an excuse as "I have to go home and make dinner for my husband" when I want to get out of doing something at night.

(2) I can't contribute to conversations about morning sickness or breast feeding. Nor do I want to. 

(3) Couples Only parties/weekends. Which is a stupid idea anyway. How does excluding your single friends make the party better? Do you sit around eating leftover casserole and discuss joint checking accounts and his and her sinks? If so, please continue to pointedly exclude me in the future.

(4) Having absolutely no obligations to anyone or anything made it incredibly easy to press pause on my life and move to Switzerland. Should I decide to sojourn to Africa after this adventure is over, the only conversation I'll be having is with my financial advisor. 

(5) I, too, end the day exhausted with bits of food and occasionally snot stuck to my clothes from chasing children around. The difference is no one calls me Mommy and I get paid to do it.

(6) I can sleep spread-eagle and hog all the pillows and anyone who says otherwise has some explaining to do. Creep.

Not that I think I come out better in the end. There are definitely perks to this party of one but I know there's an immense joy in having a husband and kids that's unattainable by those without. Also some really hilarious couple's costumes I'm missing out on. 
Sidebar #2: will someone please be the Calvin to my Hobbes next year? Without one, I'm just awkwardly dressed in an adult-sized tiger suit.

And though there are times that I feel somewhat separated from my married friends, I don't love them any less. I've got some really great examples of married life around me. And some of you make some pretty adorable babies.  It just means sometimes I'll be eating dinner standing in the kitchen while you're enjoying each other's company at the table.  Conversely, sometimes I'll be in Toulouse for the weekend while you're shopping for a new washer and dryer. You win some, you lose some. 

And that's life. We grow and change but we don't have to allow it to separate us from one another. In the meantime, keep a spot for open for me on your couch and I'll give you advice on the best restaurants where they don't stare at you for eating alone.
Which, in case you are wondering, I have only found one: the Friendly's in Gettysburg, PA.


  1. you have yet to fail at amusing me immensely!!! hope you're having a great day or wonderful sleep..rach

  2. Hey there, chica!! I just wanted to tell you that I love you dearly! And I know how you feel... big time. I miss you too!! xoxoxo
    <3 Hannah

  3. Oh dear sweet Ellie....I know I am one of your married cousins/friends but I can not wait for you to come and visit. I want to sqeeze you and chat and go shopping and....well there rest we will talk about. Being married is wonderful but husbands are not good shopping buddies let me tell you. You need a really good girlfriend for come on over! Love you lots! xx

  4. preach it, girl. preach preach preach.

  5. I would take you up on that, but I really want to be Hobbes.

  6. HAHAHAHA! Like we have time to eat at the table.
    But seriously...
    I can't tell you how much I would appreciate some me-time without thinking I'm a horrible mother for wanting it. There are much more demands on my time that have nothing to do with me. But it is a sacrifice that I'm willing to make just the same.

    There is greener grass on both sides of the fence. ;-)

  7. ditto the first comment- you make me laugh! out loud, even. ;)

    I've sometimes been amazed at 'kids nowadays'- they get married so young. Ok, it's not really changed that much, I guess... but some of them seem awfully young to me!

  8. Oh Ellie,
    You are absolutely hilarious. I find your blog entirely wonderful and am so glad that I am friends with your sister so I can creep on you and your thoughts. ;) - Embrace the single-hood, especially while traveling. I sure do hope I get to meet you some day - and maybe even see this Hobbes costume of yours.

  9. ahem. ellie. i am deeply offended. our friendship is over. maybe.

    well, you are the third wheel to our tricycle. a tricycle wouldn't work very well with only two. (don't tell bryan)


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