Monday, April 26, 2010

Life Advice for BABIES

I am pleased to announce I have two new boy cousins, born ten days apart.

Congratulations to Aaron and Jami who brought young Mateo David into the world on Thursday, April 15th!

Congratulations also to Matt and Christina, who brought one Gillis Hamilton into being on Sunday, April 25th!

Welcome, little darlings! In my opinion, you have been born into one of the greatest families on the planet.  We are strange and imperfect creatures, but there is life, laughter, faith, and LOVE immeasurable.  It's enough to put Hallmark out of business.

A few words of advice from your old cousin Ellie:
1) Be kind to your older sister. She can be weird, moody, and really bossy but she loves you just the same. Just try to stay out of her room. And don't you dare read her diary. Unless she starts a blog and then all bets are off.
2) Be patient with your parents.  As soon as you were born, a giant piece of their heart detached itself and will be walking around with you for the rest of your life.  Everything they do is out of love. Plus you are inevitably going to be exactly like them when you grow up.
3) Give your grandparents a call occasionally.  It will make their day. No matter what you do in life, they will think you personally had the moon installed in the sky.
4) Brush your teeth (once they come in). It's ok if you lose the first set but take good care of the second.  We're not sharks though, so it ends there. Unfortunately for you, there are no dentists or orthodontists in this family so dental care is going to be expensive. And braces are just a middle school nightmare you don't want to have.
5) Eat your pork chops. Just do it, or else you'll be sitting alone at the dinner table in the dark. Eventually, they're going to get cold and then they taste even worse. When you're old and on your own, you'll never have to eat another one if you don't want to.
6) Pay attention in Kindergarten. Some, if not all, of life's most important lessons are taught in grade K.  For example, eating paste/play-doh/gum from the floor is never a good plan.  Learning to share your crayons is the first step in the giant ladder of Compromise that you will be climbing your entire life. Also, there is no point in life when biting someone who is making you mad will get you your way.  Treasure these gems.
7) Don't try to rush your childhood.  There is no logical reason for a nine-year old to have a cell phone. Didn't you just learn how to read, like yesterday? Go play with your Legos.
8) Don't be a sheep. What's cool is not always right and what's right is not always cool, blah blah blah. I mean it. Smoking kills, drugs are bad, alcohol is stupid, tattoos are permanent and when someone says "jump", you ask "why?" and not "how high?"
9) Make your decisions for yourself. Be conscious of how your decisions affect others but never make a decision in order to please someone else. Ultimately you are the only one who has to live with that decision.
10) Get your higher education at Purdue University.  It is the greatest university in the world. This is in no way influenced by the fact that the last four years of my life have been amazing due in large part to this particular institution. Yes, this is awkwardly specific. Don't ask questions. (This one is exempt from rule #9, in case you were going to argue.)

Ok, wake up, I'm done lecturing. HEY. I love you, and I haven't even met you yet. I hope you are as kooky and spectacular as the rest of your family.



  1. I am trying not to comment on every single post anymore... but, well- this was so good, how could I not!

    Loved it!

  2. ok, I do want you as a nanny for my kids !! :) beautiful. and i love that there are no spelling mistakes. bravo. take care, hope we can work something out.

  3. Seriously...I know I'm gonna be reading your work in some syndicated form're an awesome writer. And it's fine you used a picture of Mateo... Can't wait to introduce him to you!!

  4. also babies, make your parents get you these!

  5. My dear girl, I love you. One more thing kids ... moms always appreciate a serious sense of humor. <3


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