Monday, May 20, 2013

Things I'm Really Bad At

Girlfriend, I get sad about my hair too.

Today I feel like celebrating mediocrity. Not just mediocrity, but complete and utter inadequacy. Why? Because I feel like I'm too obsessed with perfection. Sometimes I just get so tired of being GOOD at everything all the time, you know? In case you've never met me before, that is a joke.

But seriously, I feel like people online (and bloggers in particular) are concerned with presenting this carefully manicured version of themselves when it's not really an accurate picture of who they are. I'm not saying we have to let it all hang out all the time but sometimes just post a picture of your messy kitchen, ok? Let me know you're human.

Just not on Instagram. I do not have time for your realness there. Sunshine and puppies and glitter only, ok?

Anyway just to keep myself humble, here are ten things I'm really bad at.
Like, let me be your cautionary tale bad.

1) Folding laundry. I am seriously so bad at it. Ask anyone I've ever lived with and they will tell you it's true. No matter how carefully I try, it always looks like a child did it. Scratch that, a child would probably do a better job than I.  Do they have folding shirt classes at Old Navy? Because I need to take one.

2) Sports/Athletic Pursuits in general. If you’ve seen me play, you know why. I’m not saying it’s a conspiracy but I’m 80% sure that people only invite me to volleyball get-togethers for comic relief.  It’s ok you guys, you can tell me the truth.

3) Math. I have not one but three certified math teachers in my family and yet the ability and desire to quickly and efficiently learn how to solve numerical problems is beyond me.

4) Estimating. Distances, heights, weights, depths, you name it and I will grossly overestimate it. This is obviously related to my poor math skills. Example: last summer someone asked me how tall I thought the Statue of Liberty was and I said 2,000 feet. Dead serious. That’s like 500 feet higher than the Empire State Building. Like, calm down Ellie.

5) Remembering names. I never forget a face but you could be called Penelope Avocado Greensleeves the Third and I would not remember it. Actually that’s pretty unique, I might commit that one to memory.

6) Rapping. I know, I was just as surprised as you are.

7) Returning personal emails. It’s not that I don’t want to write you back, I just take forever to figure out what I want to say in return. I may take myself too seriously.

8) The morning. I need at least an hour of wakefulness and a hearty breakfast before I interact with humanity. Sleeping is one of my top three favorite things and I’m always cranky when it’s over. I apologize to my family, coworkers, and any roommates past and future.

9) Doing my hair. I can bust out an acceptable bun when I need to but 80% of the time it looks like I combed it with a rake. “I love your hair like that” is not a thing I hear often but I don’t let it keep me up at night. I just don’t have the patience for gels and irons and standing in the bathroom for an extra half hour. You’ll just have to accept me as I am, ok?

10) Sticking to spending limits. I’m not saying I have a shopping problem but every time I go, I set a limit of X dollars. Which works great until I see something that is more than X dollars and suddenly I have to have it. Spoiler alert: I have trouble saying no to myself.  I honestly don’t know how people operate with joint checking accounts. 

Is there anything you are particularly terrible at? Please, share! We’re all friends here. I promise it will only make me love you more.
---
Photo from Vogue Italia, March 2007

9 comments:

  1. I'm with you on being crap at estimating things. I can be in a crowded room and be like, "Gosh, there's like two hundred people in here!"
    Then my friends will kindly inform that there's like fifty people tops there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am SO BAD about returning personal emails too. I'm starting to treat texts like emails too, especially if they're longer than 2 lines. I expect a text to have a quick question or statement, and when they get wordy I'm like, awwwww and then don't reply for 3 months. It got weird when the . Whoops!

    I am terrible at telling short stories. Bradly's eyes have LITERALLY glazed over when listening to me.

    I am a hot mess when it comes to deadlines. I'll give you the best product I can muster, but it will get done on zero sleep, I will feel very unsure about it, and I will doubt myself very loudly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha welll I wasn't going to say anything but remember how you used to share your dreams every morning? zzzzz...:P
      I oh yeah I'm bad at deadlines too. Because I'm really GOOD at procrastinating!

      Delete
  3. Forgot to finish my sentence... It got weird when the iPhone started recording when I read my texts. I got rid of that feature quickly!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is from uncle Jim...... enough said!!!!! ¡ lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh Uncle Jim, that's enough of that. :P

      Delete
  5. I'd like to say that I am one of the people who /don't/ present a carefully manicured version of myself. I do, however, see where you are coming from, though, and I understand.

    I do this meme called "6 Sticks", which lists 6 things, because it goes with my blog, 6birds. I'm going to list out mine for that, but for next week. I'm going out of town on the weekend, so this will be perfect to schedule. :D

    I especially liked where you mentioned your hair and a rake, though. It was hilarious! I think that the blogging community is into perfection too much. I like knowing a person is human, because it's just nice to know... Life can't be one hundred percent PERFECT all of the time, and Barbies and Kens don't actually need to be portrayed. ...hopefully I'm making sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha why thank you. Yes I understand perfectly what you mean! Sometimes we like to look at shiny pretty things but it's not an accurate portrayal of real life. I think branded/themed-lifestyle blogs are most guilty of presenting a constant, perfect image but smaller, more personal blogs are much better at presenting a realistic balance of life. Or at least that's what I tell myself. :)

      Delete

I love to hear what you're thinking! Thanks for the comment love. :)

 

design + development by kiki and co. creative