Tips for the Facebook Illiterate

Greetings, mythical beasts.  I'm unexpectedly at work on this lovely Friday evening (the result of massive miscommunication but I think my staff learned an important lesson today, right?) so to pass the time, I thought I'd treat you to another post. You're welcome.

Tips and Tricks for Facebook Users over 40
(or anyone else who just recently discovered social networking)

(1) Congratulations and welcome to Facebook, esteemed guests!  Note that it is pronounced Facebook and not Faceplace, MyBook, or FarmPlanet.

(2) Acronyms. This is dangerous territory for those of you not of the texting generation. I'm all for shortcuts but we have a beautiful language. Don't be afraid to spell it out. Here's a list of common acronyms and  mistakes:

• TTYL = Talk To You Later.
• LOL does not= Lots of Love. It means Laugh out Loud. Best to just avoid using this one altogether.
• IRL = In Real Life.
• WTF does not= With the Family. Nothing is more awkward than a status update that says "Baking apple pie WTF". I'd tell you what it really means, but this is a family-friendly site and we don't use that kind of language here.
• IDK = I Don't Know. As in, IDK why you insist on abbreviating everything.
• TMI = Too Much Information.

For more abbreviations, please visit The Largest List of Shorthand Ever. Actually don't go there. I don't want to encourage any untoward acronym usage.

(3) Comment Courtesy:

• Never leave a comment in all caps, unless a) you intend to be shouting at the person or b) the intended recipient has weak eyesight.
• Avoid excessive use of ellipses (.........). Unless you are pausing for dramatic effect between each statement, it is quite unnecessary.
• Avoid unnecessary notifications. Say you leave a comment on someone's picture or status update. Then someone else leaves a comment beneath you. If you strike up an unrelated conversation with this other person in the same comment section, please take it elsewhere. The person whose picture you are chatting under will recieve a notification after each comment and will also feel like the third wheel. And that's just rude.

(4) Friend Requests. Avoid "friending" your children's friends if you do not know them personally. I say this because they will either deny you (awkward) or friend you out of obligation (still awkward). Be cool, let them come to you. For more tips on being the cool parent on Facebook, please refer to Anne C.

(5) Sharing. Facebook is all about sharing your life, I understand that. But please, don't go nuts. Don't be that guy. Examples of oversharing:

• Status updates about you/your child/your pet's illnesses or bowel movements. NOT INTERESTED.
• Openly discussing other people's illnesses/personal or financial calamaties. Don't be a gossip-monger.
• Daily photos of your pet. News flash: Mr. Sprinkles looks the same today as he did yesterday.

(6) Non-Facebook Applications. The day they introduced Farmville, part of Facebook died. I am not interested in being your neighbor, giving you fish food, battling orcs, or helping the mafia infiltrate Bangkok so please please stop asking.  I don't want to get in a pillow fight, I'm allergic to your virtual flowers, and I don't want to know your answer to "Do you think Ellie smells bad?"

Hopefully these tips will help as you transition from the real world to the virtual one. Thanks for stopping by!

TTYL,
your BFF Ellie