Ten Things I'm Thinking About Right Now (Besides the Pandemic, the Election, What it Means to be an Ally to BIPOC, and Climate Change)

1. Normally I dress like an Eastern European potato farmer but today I am wearing a button down with lemons printed all over it and I feel like walking sunshine.

2. Freckles are so weird. Like why do some people get them and others don't? I've noticed, particularly this summer, the tops of my arms are absolutely peppered with freckles and the undersides are smooth and pale, with one or two dots. I can't help but wonder what it would look like if my whole body was as white and unmarked as my stomach, which has never seen the sun. Then I picture myself like a rotisserie chicken, stuck on a spit to become evenly browned. Though I suppose that's an ungracious way to describe a tanning bed, which already exists. 

People without freckles/overt sun damage to their skin, do you acknowledge your privilege and how it has impacted your life? *presents microphone*

3. Am I too old to (re)learn how to rollerskate? Do I have the courage and good enough health insurance?

4. Flowers. I am never NOT thinking about flowers. In a world where I am independently wealthy, I move out into the country and start a small flower farm, selling cut flowers at farmer's markets and doing small-scale floral design, documenting the whole thing on social media (naturally). Right now in particular, however, I am wondering if I can coax the newly planted clematis to cover the chain link fence in my backyard.

Grow, my precious. Wrap your spindly green arms around the links and blossom. Help me pretend I live the lifestyle that can afford more attractive fencing.

5. People who listen to music loudly without headphones are public enemy number 2 and must be stopped. (Public enemy number 1 is, obviously, people who refuse to wear masks in a global pandemic.)

6. At lunch I saw a girl across the parking lot with a really cute skirt on and I was like, I am coveting that skirt, it is so cute. And then I looked down and realized I was wearing the same skirt, so, great taste, me.

7. What song can't you get out of your head right now? For me, it's Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It featured in my dream last night. I was getting married to Justin Long--yes, the actor-- and I walked down the aisle lip-syncing it. So much to unpack there but that's for me and my therapist.

8. I like to window shop online (who doesn't?) and sometimes I come across things that I can't believe are for sale, like who in their right mind would spend $55 (that's on sale even!) on a dried seed pod from Anthropologie for decor?  Speaking of, will someone else look at this insanely overpriced beach umbrella and tell me you see "testes" printed all over it too?

9. I miss Freedom. This time last year, my whole family was there, maybe for the last time. I think part of me felt it as we drove away. Did I appreciate it enough? I'm glad there are so many things in life to remind me of my heart home--- hollyhocks growing by a fence, a cool foggy morning, the sound of Papa's voice...

10. Thank goodness for the weekend. I've been house and dog-sitting all week and I'm looking forward to my own bed. Also, I miss my plants. They don't need to be let out to use the bathroom at 5:30 in the morning.  But I also can't take them on walks, so...

HEY THANKS FOR READING, I LOVE YOU.

Sick Person Score: C-

Photo by Hanna Postova on Unsplash

Feeling like a lukewarm plate of garbage today. If you could get a grade for being sick, I would get a C-. Not a D or an F, because I still show up when I absolutely have to, but also not an A or B because my inner monologue while ill is the stuff of Shakespeare.

“But hark! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Coronavirus is the sun!”

It doesn’t help that this week at work, I have been answering questions nonstop about how the epidemic will affect client travel/can they cancel/are we all going to die? 

Yes Judy, just not all from coronavirus and not all today.

Now that I think about it, maybe I contracted this chest cold from the amount of time reading/talking/writing about viruses. Or FaceTiming my sister whose entire family has been passing it around like a diseased hot potato. Little tiny particles traveled through the series of tubes that make up the internet, erupted from the screen and into my nasal passages. 

Someone alert Vice President Pence! His first order of business is to scrub the airwaves.

Can you imagine if we could transmit disease electronically? 

Wait, never mind, don’t imagine that.

But I digress. I know it wasn’t the internet, or the power of suggestion. It was my coworker. One of the things my brain likes to do is fantasize that it knows the exact moment of disease transmission. Like an episode in a medical drama, a montage of moments plays in my mind:

I walk back to the breakroom to refill my water bottle. Coworker is there, washing his
lunch dishes. I turn from the fountain at the same moment he turns, coughing.
I hold my breath as I walk through the invisible cloud of cough, but it’s too late.
Time slows. Minute water droplets, infected with the virus, hang suspended in the air. A
few enter my lungs, milliseconds before my mouth snaps shut.
That song from Platoon plays as over the next 48 hours, my immune system begins to
battle the intruder.

That’s it, that’s how it happened.

Fortunately I live alone, and have only myself to take care of. 

Can you imagine if I had a husband or children? 

“Small ones, Mommy is unwell. Play quietly to yourselves for the next eight hours til your father gets home. If you get hungry, there are fruit snacks in the cupboard above the stove. Just push a chair over to the counter to climb up. Change your own diapers, or better yet, potty train yourselves.  Not too much noise now, it hurts my head.”

So props I guess, to moms and dads and caretakers.

As for me, I will wrap myself in my fuzziest scarf, drink hot tea, and hope the power of positive thinking heals me quickly.

Just kidding, I will call my mother and complain, tweet about it, and finally write a blog post.

Stay healthy, my friends.

Ten Things I'm Thinking About Right Now

In the absence of proper content, here are ten of the many things in my brain at this moment.

---

1. I have a very specific pain in the crook of my left arm. It is upsetting, and I am struggling not to Google it.

2. Speaking of pain, it makes me sad that animals can feel pain. Except cockroaches. I have no remorse for any pain they may feel.

3. I went three months without Facebook and the only reason I came back is because I missed being able to immediately share with 700 people when I thought of something hilarious. Yep, that's it. I do not care about missing other people's content. Hashtag, definitely narcissist.

Ok, except for this kid I babysit, his mom and dad are on there and I did miss the hijinks/photos of the little dude.

4. I really really want these obnoxious sequined high-tops. I saw them in a Madewell over Christmas and I'm still sad I didn't buy them.

5. Somebody just told me that this summer the USPS is issuing scratch and sniff stamps with popsicles on them and if they made that up, I will be very sad.

Can't Google it to confirm though, because I will definitely Google the arm pain immediately following.

6. I feel kind of bad about the Facebook thing, but not really, because you all need to know that in real life I can be a selfish villain. A Disney villain, but still.

7. Sharp cheddar is the only cheddar worth eating.

8. I got a sample of Marcelle NewAge Precision 8-in-1 Power Serum (definitely not enough words in the name, for sure!) and it's the best thing I have ever put on my skin GOODBYE, THE END. I think it's made out of butterfly chrysalis? Jk it's probably not, but my face looks like a brand new baby.

9. Despite having baby skin now, I could never be Instagram-famous because my hair is always a mess. I just have to make peace with that.

10. I live in constant fear of leaving the bathroom with my skirt tucked into my underwear because it happened once. The first day I relax is going to be the first day that it happens again. CONSTANT. VIGILANCE.

---

What's on your mind, friends? It's ok if you don't want to share, I'm only asking to be nice.
Jk, really, tell me.

Travel Tuesday: How to Find the Best Airfare

Continuing the theme of last travel post, let's talk about how to find the best airfare.

When you're searching the web for fares to a specific destination, it can seem so arbitrary, like there's a cockatiel in some back office randomly pecking keys to assign prices to routes and days of the week.  Even knowing a bit about how it works it still makes me believe it's all just a bird.

Here is an article that explains the history of airfare, and how it's evolved to what it is today.  Basically it comes down to airline revenue management. The airlines want to maximize profit on selling seats by constantly playing the game of ,"how much can we charge without losing out to the competition?". It involves complicated algorithms and constant, real-time adjusting of prices.

If you're really interested in learning more, there's a training course from the International Air Transport Association (IATA) that requires 45 hours of study and a 3 hour exam for the low low price of $650. Sure, it's an investment, but at the end of it, you'll be able to build an airline from the ground up! (Of course, you'll still need planes and pilots and what not...)

So what are my tips for finding the best airfare?

Let technology do the work for you - there are a number of websites and apps that search for the best fares across most airlines. Here are some of my favorites:

Google Flights - this is my go-to for checking fares across multiple airlines at once. It searches almost all airlines across the world (excluding Southwest and a few smaller regional airlines - it will display the schedule, but NOT the live availability or pricing). You're able to search round-trip, one way, or even multiple city stops.

Why I Like It: On a desktop/laptop computer, I use the Google Chrome web browser. If I'm in a hurry, just typing the city pair into the web address bar will bring up Google Flights as the first search result. Additionally, when I'm ready to buy, it takes me directly to the airline's website, so I'm not purchasing it through a third party.  This works in the mobile Chrome app as well.

Note: For a roundtrip or multi-city ticket, the flight price displayed on the first result is the total price, not just for that segment of your trip.  It's also the total for however many passengers you've entered into your search bar. (The default search is for one passenger, and even if you change it, it will continue to display the aggregate price of all segments for all passengers.)

Hopper - this is an app (available for iPhone and Android) that attempts to predict the best time to buy a fare for particular dates and a specific route, or the best dates to travel for the lowest fare, if you're flexible.  It's not perfect, as not all airlines share their data with Hopper (notably Delta and Southwest are missing), but it's incredibly user-friendly.

Note: I do not purchase flights through this app, only use it to watch fares (I'll explain why later).

Why I Like It: The 'Watch This Trip' function. I plug in my city pairs and dates and it sends me an alert every time the price changes. In particular, I'm usually watching airfares to San Antonio (hello sister!) on American Airlines at any given time, since they usually have the best schedule/price from my home city.

For international itineraries, sign up for one of the many low fare alert companies, who literally spend all day searching for fare sales/mistake fares to send out to their email subscribers.  My personal favorite is Scott's Cheap Flights.; it's how I got round-trip airfare to Iceland for under $300 last March.

Note: This is best if you are flexible on your travel dates/times/departure airports. Some of these fares are a result of the really crummy scheduling - for example, a 16 hour layover somewhere, or 3+  stops, resulting in a much longer total travel time than usual. The caveat to my amazing airfare to Iceland is that I had to drive 8ish hours to Newark, which is obviously not super convenient. (The airline I flew now has departures from Chicago, but at the time, that wasn't an option).

The second tip for international itineraries in particular is to call a travel agent and bundle. We work with bulk consolidators who have negotiated contracts with airlines to offer fares at below market rates. These are fares that you will not find by searching the web. To sell the fare, it must be packaged with a hotel stay and/or a rental car. 

Actual example: Last year, my cousin took her family to the UK for Christmas and I was able to get all their flights (6 tickets) AND a 7-passenger van rental for 10 days for the same price as if they had just booked their air alone on the internet. That's basically a free rental car.

The biggest mistake people make when purchasing their own airfare is doing it through third-party online travel agents (OTAs), such as Expedia, Momondo, Cheapo Air, etc.

It's fine to use those sites to price shop, but when you're ready to buy, either purchase it directly from the airline or through a trusted travel agent.

Why is this a mistake?

If something goes wrong with your flight, or you need to change something, it takes an obscene amount of time to get it fixed. 

If you book a flight on Expedia, and something happens while traveling and you call the airline directly, they won't help you. They'll refer you to the original booking agent, in this case, Expedia. Then you call Expedia (and wait on hold for some rando in a call center), only to be put on hold, because THEY have to call the airline and make the change.

But if I book through a regular travel agent, won't I have the same problem?

No, because you'll call the travel agent first, the person you have an established relationship with, and then go have a cocktail or stress-eat some Twizzlers while they figure it out for you.

What if I book it myself directly with the airline?

Then you can call the airline directly and have them work on it for you.

So, what do you think? Any other methods you use that I didn't mention?
Let me know if this post was helpful, and if you book a ticket using any of these tips.

Until next time!

Travel Tuesday: Airfare and Schedule Changes

Plane tickets, you guys. What a can of worms.

The cost of airfare all by itself can be the catalyst or hindrance for an entire vacation, am I right?
I'm sure you'd like a post on how to find the best deals, when is the best time to buy, and all that, and I'll do that soon.

First though, it's imperative you understand what you're actually getting when you purchase airfare.

Say you find a great deal on tickets to Switzerland in nine months for the whole family.
Perfect - you found the cheapest fares by leaving Tuesday at 11 AM and returning the following Friday, home by 9:30 PM.
You buy those tickets and start to plan the rest of the trip: securing accommodations, booking guided tours, etc, because the getting there and back part is set in stone, right?

Not necessarily.

When you purchase airfare, you're entering into what's called a Contract of Carriage.

Simply put, the airline is agreeing to transport you from point A to point B, but the time, routing, schedule, and equipment used is entirely up to them and subject to change at any time. Furthermore, they are not responsible to you for any inconveniences that arise as a result of any of these changes and events beyond their control (or Force Majeure, as they call it, such as weather, war, government, labor strikes and 'Acts of God' , to cover themselves for all the rest).  

If they issue a major schedule change that does not work for you, they will refund your money. They are NOT obligated to offer you extra compensation (i.e. business lounge passes, paying for a hotel stay, reimbursing a rental car, etc).

There is plenty more in the fine print about baggage, oversold flights, etc but that's the gist of it.

So, back to you and your trip to Switzerland.

Three months pass and you get an email.
Subject: There has been a schedule change to your flights

Insert Any Airline Here has changed the time of your connection from New York to London, so you will miss your final flight from London to Zurich, meaning you'll be stuck in London overnight.

All is not lost, friend, you now get the pleasure of calling the airline directly and walking through the following options with a reservation agent:

Scenario A: The airline can re-accommodate you on other flights, getting you in at around the same time as previously scheduled but you now have an extra stop on your outbound flights, so you'll have to leave at 5:45 AM for the airport. Painful, but doable.

Scenario B: The new schedule is the best available, so you'll have to stay in London one night. Better call the hotel in Zurich and let them know you'll be delayed checking in a day. You will still have to pay for that missed night, because your hotel was booked nonrefundable, but at least they won't cancel your reservation. $
If you don't want to sleep in the London airport overnight, you have to find a hotel nearby. $$
Oh and also, you had yourselves booked for an afternoon walking tour that you'll miss too. Also nonrefundable. $$$

Scenario C: You hate all options offered by Insert Any Airline Here, and don't want to have to change your land reservations. You demand your money back and attempt to re-book yourselves on another airline altogether. Except, oops, the amazing fares from three months ago have disappeared. $$$$$$

None of the options above are ideal, and all require a great deal of time on the phone with the airline, but it happens all. the. time. 

Now, if you're working with a travel advisor, they will take care of this for you, and should have already made you aware of this possibility from the beginning.

If you booked these tickets on your own, here is my advice:

+ As soon as you get the schedule change notification, get online and look for other flights operated by that same airline.  If it's a weather event, of course pickings will be slim, but the airlines will re-book you on the schedule of your choosing, if the flights are operated by them, or by a partner airline on a codeshare.

+ If your personal schedule allows, consider tweaking your outbound or return dates a day or two. If you can find a better schedule by leaving a day earlier, the airline will usually re-book you without charging the standard change fee. 

+ Finally, consider purchasing travel insurance, particularly if the destination is international, or it's a big bucket list trip and you're spending a lot of money.  Travel insurance covers all prepaid, nonrefundable trip expenses, and will reimburse you for any extra expenses that incur as a result of things like this (up to a certain dollar amount).

To recap: airlines can change their flight schedules at any time for any reason, but you have options when this happens. Just don't expect them to pay for a night at the Ritz Carlton for your inconvenience. Forewarned is forearmed!

Until next time, friends!